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type: Page
title: Apology
description: null
icon: null
createdAt: '2025-07-20T21:09:11.570Z'
creationDate: 2025-07-21 06:09
modificationDate: 2025-07-21 08:49
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Whoever's reading this, if I am dead, please ensure the following is delivered to Reina Anabon, one way or another. Much appreciated.
- Message
Greetings, Dear Reina.
Sorry for bothering you one last time. I am currently writing this on July 20th, 2025. I had originally planned on telling you this in person, as I know you much prefer dealing with things face to face, but if your reading this, it seems something has happened, and I will no longer be able to talk to you again, or at least until the new world (I hope).
Anyways, the purpose of the message, is an apology. Remember when I first texted back in March, and told you that I liked you, and then told you I was an idiot? I knew I was, but I didn't realize the extent of exactly how stupid I was. I wanted nothing more then to enjoy a relationship with you, to really be your friend, and to get your thoughts and perspectives on all the ridiculous things life had in it. In truth, that hasn't changed. I can tell you for sure I wanted that right up until the end.
However, in doing so, I failed to understand something very important. In order to earn, and be worthy of your love, I first needed to earn, and be worthy of your trust. And that is something I completely skipped over. Granted, I don't really know of any way I could have earned your trust, living on the other side of the country, and basically in a different world then you did, but skipping over it was not the answer. You even warned me you weren't a fan of long distance. I thought that was something we could work around, but I didn't fully understand that either.
Reina, I want to apologize to you for showing up in your life out of nowhere, telling you that I like you, trying to rush something you totally weren't prepared for, and not even giving you a chance to stop and get to know me first before inviting myself to come see you. I was wrong in doing this, and handled it completely wrong, and if anything I'm grateful you even agreed to spend the amount of time you did with me.
If your still reading by the end of this, I appreciate it, and want to tell you this. Everything I told you how I feel about you is 100% the truth. You are the single most amazing person I have ever met. After I spent that time with you in March, especially Sunday night at In-n-Out, I really, genuinely fell in love with you, and have spent all my time since then doing my best to figure out how to get to Okinawa permanently, so I could see you again (of which actually might have been successful, ask Austin about that). But, as I said before, before a relationship ever starts, there needs to be a level of trust that I completely ignored. Reina, if I ever seen you again, and if you'll have me, I would like nothing more then to be your reliable, trusted, and ever present friend. Even if I never am able to earn your trust and love, I would be very, very grateful to count you among my close friends. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and may Jehovah continue to guide you, and make your paths straight.
Always yours,
Spencer Grimes

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type: Page
title: Reina
description: null
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creationDate: 2025-01-11 16:17
modificationDate: 2025-07-30 00:24
tags: []
coverImage: '20241113_143827'
---
In the event of my untimely demise, or my passing for one way or another, please ensure the following gets delivered to Reina. Also, no peeking, thanksss
[[Apology Letter to Reina]]
# Offer?
I'd imagine we both have things we want to say and bring out, so I suggest we each take a turn saying our piece, and then once we're both done, and everything is out on the table, we can discuss it, any concerns, wants, and whatever else, and figure it out from there, how's that sound?
Not sure what your looking for out of life, I don't know what your goals are, I don't know where you want to end up, but I guess that's the entire point of tonight. That being said, after spending time with and getting to know you better, I do think we have fairly similar futures in mind. So, I guess we'll find out about that too.
Obviously, as you well know, the reason I'm sitting here across from you in San Diego is because I am interested in you, and there are several reasons why:
- Spiritual focus
- No matter where you are, San Diego, Japan, Ireland, your putting Jehovah first
- Kind of an extension of the first, but its one thing to have spiritual focus when everyone is there to support you and your decisions, but its another thing to have people, especially family, actively denounce your choices, and still stick to them.
- To me, that shows how important it is to you, that you have and still are making sacrifices to put Jehovah first, and that's pretty impressive to me.
- Your incredibly smart. Going to school for a Civil Engineer, and being as good as you were at, is not easy. I took engineering and architecture as electives in school, and I loved it, but also realized how much work it would be to do it as a career, and yet you did just that. Thats amazing
- You unapologetically are, who you are. I am not interested in anybody who spends their life trying to be somebody else, and I'm far more interested in somebody who wants to be who they want to be, and isn't swayed by anybody else's opinions, and I see that in you.
- Lastly, on top of everything else, your also ridiculously adorable. All these things combine are a very potent combo, at least to me.
So yea, that's why I'm here, sitting in front of you. As such, I also think its only fair to tell you a bit of who I am, what my goals are, and what I can offer you, so you can decide if it's something you want to pursue or not. That ok?
- Things I can't offer
- Lifestyle with lots of Money
- Big house, Fancy cars
- Not ever been a priority to me, and I don't think it ever will be
- If your looking for something like that, I don't think I'll a good choice for you.
- Things I can offer
- Spiritual focus and outlook on life
- Hopefully, you have seen the same spirituality in me that I've seen you in, it is and should be a main driving factor in all of Jehovah's people, and I am no exception. I have been able to spend time with retired CO's, old Navy Seal divers, and a bunch of others, and I've seen both from my own experience, and others, that serving Jehovah full time, is really the best way of life that we're going to get in this system of things, and thats what I plan on doing.
- Practical Skills
- I can cook! I'm terrible at it, but its fun
- I can clean! I even enjoy cleaning , organizing, tidying up, etc.
- I can fix stuff! Sometimes.
- You as a civil engineer probably know more about that then I do
- Personal Goals
- SKE
- Something I've been considering for over the past year
- Next Logical Step?
- Leads to other avenues of service
- Missionary?
- Circuit Overseer?
- You are very involved in LDC, and thats really awesome. I have never really had the chance to experience that, but I think I'd really like to. My application is in and skills are updated and stuff, I've just never been called for anything. But if you weant to really focus on doing LDC stuff, that sounds great to me. Its a form of full time service, and service to Jehovah, so I'm in.
- My main goal is that I want to equip myself to the best of my ability, using all the training that Jehovah has provided for us, to be able to be used to the fullest wherever Jehovah needs me.
- That sounds like something you are also interested in, and it's lot easier to dive in with a friend, yea?
- One thing I want to make sure to tell you, is I know you really love to travel and take weekend trips and go wherever you want, and I absolutely do not want to hold you back from that. If anything, I'd rather join you when I can, to experience the kind of adventures you want to have. But please know, I do not want to hold you back or limit you in anything, and I only seek to make life better for you, not worse. So please, don't feel like I want you to give anything up, because I don't.
- Lastly, a side point that you might be interested in. Before meeting you, I had no intention, nor desire, of being involved in a relationship, or dating anyone. I was perfectly happy and content, doing my own thing. Even when I first met you, I didn't really think anything of it until I actually got to spend time with and get to know you, and realize you were actually something very special. What I'm saying, is you and only you are incredibly valuable, to me, and can pretty much make whatever demands you want, and I will jump through hoops to meet them. If there's something your looking for specifically, let me know, and I'll see what I can do. So, take that as you will.
# Concerns to Discuss
- Long Distance Relationship (see below)
- She hates texting, and doesn't want a relationship over text, which I agree with.
- Possible Solutions
- Obviously visiting frequently, but that gets expensive, but if that's the price of having a relationship with her, then so be it.
- This goes both ways too. Me going to SD, and her coming to PC
- Calls and Video Calls exist. Not as a substitute to in person of course, but better then texting.
- I stay up late, usually going to bed around 1am, which is 11pm her time, not that she need to only text me in certain hours, but at least she knows she can expect a response/call pickup before then. Are there times that better work for her?
- I mean, studying together is also always fun, although that might be a bit more further down the road.
- Communication
- Not so much a concern, but I want to make sure to stress the importance of open, free, and frequent communication
- My communication style is very straight forward, stick everything out in the open and then figure it out from there. Need to make sure she's ok with that.
- I obviously want this to last, and I believe an important part of that is being in constant contact, and talking things through
- She doesn't like texting, so what are your preferred forms of communication? Obviously face to face is best, and that will be planned for, but in between?
- Does she have time for this?
- She's like, really busy, with a lot going on.
- EDIT: She did not have time for this.
## Requests for Jehovah Specifically
- Requesting perfect timing, circumstances, and everything else. Obviously there is no such thing, but as close as we can get it
- Kind of coincides with her expecting it?
- Obviously I have no intention of giving Jehovah a timeframe, but it'd be super cool if we could get this either on track or off track within the next month or so.
- If Jehovah provides the opportunity, please let it hit me like a brick that this is my chance, for I am dumb and blind
- I am probably taking this a bit to seriously in all honesty, but I hope she sees that and responds in kind. Even if the answer is no, I hope she is able to consider it seriously and come to well thought out conclusion.
- These are all my ideas, and I am very dumb, so if Jehovah has a better idea, which he assuredly does, please let's just go with that
- EDIT 1.27.25 - Welp, not *quite* what I had in mind
- EDIT 2.13.25 - COWABUNGA IT IS
- EDIT 2.18.25 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ACTUALLY WORKED
- Edit 3.19.25 - Welp. This is what a knife in the gut feels like, huh?
- Reminders from Jehovah?
- Love and trust fully, but not more then we love and trust Jehovah. Sampson did this, and his love blinded him to Delilah selling out his secrets to the Philippines. Not that Reina would ever, but that's the point of warnings. It also applies to us though, we don't ever want to be Delilah either.
- Beware sexual immortality, this ones kind of a given though.
- [This Entire Article](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2024401?q=long+distance+relationship)
- [And This one](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=2025241)
# Notes to Remember
- Loves Architecture
- Was top 10% of civil engineers in world (in schooling, I think?), but realized was serving two masters, and chose to serve Jehovah instead (and you wonder why I like her)
- Faced, and still faces backlash from family for that.
- Grandfather was in hospital/rehab last time we were in Japan
- Parents were a need greater, and a missionary. They met in Taiwan.
- Works as a teacher, under the company Kumo
- Was in the program since she was 5. She was hired as soon as she graduated because they all knew her. Has been there ever since. Yes is a teacher, but does mostly office work/grading papers, etc.
- Wants to go to Europe one day and see the architecture there
- Defintley a foodie
- Really likes finding local, hole in the wall places to eat?
- Really likes being a tour guide
- Bible Study McKenna
- Raised a witness, has a fiancee that started taking an interest in the truth
- Doing very well, but currently works at a defense company
- Took a break to focus on LDC
- Did not actually take a break for LDC, was tired of being texted constantly.
- Text messages no good. In person always better (of course), but video calls, voice recordings, and phone calls better then texting.
- Honestly, if you ever need anything again, I'd just text to call. If you want a relationship with her, its going to be a massive (but very much worth it) time sink, and it starts with communication.
- Pacific Beach Hall
- Very much a morning person, not a night person.
- Wakes at like 6am, and goes to bed around 9
- Only checks her phone from 8am to 8pm.
- Loves big (and white) cats, particularly snow leopards.
- *What about White Tigers?*
- Has 2 brothers, one sister. She is the oldest out of the bunch. Sister is out of the truth, but her two brothers are doing well. Younger one is more intellectual, but lazy.
- Went to Ireland twice. Served in two congregations, but feels like one is a second home. Had a really hard time living alone at one point. The hardest thing for her was Laundry, becuase she had to dry it outside on constantly rainy days.
- Really likes finding cool looking birds. And finding crabs in tidepools, and grabbing them and watching them walk away.
- Very active, likes sports, especially tennis.
- Suggestion: Convice everyone to play tennis with you and get really good while in Okinawa.
- Has *plenty* of stories to share, and likes sharing them.
- A self professed "old woman" who does everything old school.
- If we're going to date her, we're going to have to match this.
## Final Message
Hey, just letting you know I made it home safely and am currently sitting in my car driving home. I really thank you for this weekend, I can honestly say it was one of the best weekends I've ever had.
I'm going to leave my contact info for you below. I heard your answer, and fully respect it, and this is the last time you'll hear from me unless there's something very important and specific to talk about. If you ever want to chat though, you will always have my full attention, no matter how long it's been. Lastly, if you ever need anything, and this is a completely genuine offer, if I can help you with something, tell me, and I will be there with no questions asked.
I hope your able to find what your looking for out of life, and may Jehovah bless your efforts. Have a great life, Reina. I hope our paths cross again.
Note: this post has been archived. It's existence only serves the purpose of providing context. Consider this further evidence for the hollow transformation.
Fuck that. See [[Okinawa]]. And below.
# Moving Forward
Alright. Your probably reading this because we're in another dark day. There's going to be a lot of those moving forward. We have asked for strength, patience, and wisdom in dealing with them, but that doesn't get rid of them. They will only disappear when we are with Reina again. A couple things to keep in mind though. On that weekend in March, we fell in love with Reina. I wasn't really expecting to, at least not at that point. But, that Sunday afternoon & evening, she showed us who she really was, and we fell hard.
After much back and forth, we have decided to not give up. It will be *years* until we see her again. It will be even longer before we even get a chance to invite her on a date again. But that is nothing, when compared with an eternity of enjoying every night like we did that Sunday with her.
In retrospect, I jumped the gun. She said a 'Maybe in a year" and I said "So hows about 3 months?", and we see how that turned out. I'm used to things being instant, and fast. I thought I was patient. She, comparing herself to an "old lady", is used to things taking loooong periods of time. We need to adapt to her time table. This is why I ask for patience. The trip was still very much worth though. Now we're long past the awkwardness of only being friends, and have experience with full, straight forward, honest communication.
6.15.25 Note: Please scroll down to 5.30.25 Update
The first day, I honestly think she was still on board. She said the Avocado was a "Deal Breaker" (Jokingly... I think). Which implies she was still considering dating. That, combined with what fun we had Sunday night, I do believe there is a real, and still present chance. The more I thought about it, I realized that her actions did not match her words. She said we'll probably be nothing more then just friends, but last time I checked "just friends" don't spend 14 hours with each other and have to be told to go home. Well, I guess they do, but like... only the kind of friends you spend your life with. But, that has to wait until Jehovah thinks the time is right. Which will be a while. Possibly a very long while. Reina thought our time was a gift. She valued it. I want to give her more of my time, but only when she's ready for it.
The fact of the matter is this. I love Reina. I believe she is worth waiting for. I believe she is worth praying, and begging Jehovah for. I believe she is worth moving across the world for, even if there's only a chance she'll end up there. At the very least, we'll see her more there then we will living in PC. Times will be hard. Great efforts will be taken. Failures will pile up. But if there's even a chance I get to spend my life with her, like we did that weekend, these things are a drop in a bucket compared to that. I plan for eternity. I want to be by her side, forever, no matter what it takes.
Now, all that being said, we are unfortunately human. If that was easy to do, we'd of done it already. Frankly put, we tried to do this alone, and failed. Twice. We need Jehovah's backing and support. Jehovah is in charge of this one. We need to beg for his permission to be with her. And so, beg we will. This is clearly important to us. She is clearly important to us. May Jehovah have mercy on us, and deal with us in love and compassion, as I know he does. I take this as a "Your not ready yet, keep trying, but maybe one day", and further evidence supports this. So, our path forward is this. "Pray constantly" ([1 Thessalonians 5:17](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/52/5#v=52:5:17)), "Keep on asking, and it will be given you" ([Matt 7:7-8](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/40/7#study=discover&v=40:7:7-40:7:8)), for "Every good gift and every perfect present is from above" ([James 1:17](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/59/1#study=discover&v=59:1:17)). Jehovah knows ([1 John 5:14,15)](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/62/5#study=discover&v=62:5:14-62:5:15), do you not think he wants the best for us? [Romans 8:32](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/45/8#s=32&study=discover) states "Since he did not even spare his own Son but handed him over for us all,+ will he not also, along with him, kindly give us all other things?" Trust that he will make sure what needs to happen, will happen, when it needs to happen. Of course, this involves our own progression in the meantime as well (See [[Notes]]). Read these scriptures. Pray about them. Pray about her. Pray about us. This is the path forward, for years to come. Godspeed, Hollow.
- Some suggestions to keep in mind, in the meantime
We need to keep busy. I want her in the front of my mind, I want her voice between our ears, and her wellbeing a constant concern for us. But, if she is the only thing there, then we're going to have a repeat of this weekend. Actually, it'll be a lot worse then this weekend, as she'll just ignore us. So we need to keep busy. To keep distracted. To keep progressing to where we want to be. *Focused on our goal, but not consumed by it.* An idle mind will kill us.
EDIT: So uh, being an elder counts as a distraction, yea?
Edit: And college. *And college*
EDIT: It's not enough, we need more. *I feel like we're stalling, reaching out but being denied?*
Whatever the counsel is, wherever it comes from, it always applies to us in some way. Always. This is the basis of refinement.
Do everything we can, and Jehovah will fill in the blanks.
If we continue to seek great things, not for ourselves, but for Jehovah, Jehovah will do great things for us. Things that only he can do.
He knows what we want. We tell him multiple times a day. He's working on it. He knows when the time is right. Trust in him. Trust in his promises. All will be taken care of perfectly.
Ask Jehovah to bless our decision of choosing Reina. We chose her because of her Spiritual Focus. Is this not exactly the kind of decision Jehovah would bless?
Martha suggested that if Jehovah thinks this is a good idea, and that she's the right one for me, and more importantly that I'm the right one for her, to motivate her to reach out.
As an extension of that. Reina is our friend. A very valued friend. This whole not communicating at all is really sucky. I may have been a bit to drastic in cutting off communication completely, but what's done is done. I've started praying to Jehovah, asking for just a little bit of communication. Maybe like... A call (she doesn't like texting remember) once a month, just so to keep up with each other. Not long, not dating her, literally just to make sure she's alive, she's doing well, what she's been up to, how her assignment is going, how her study is going, etc. That's not to much to ask, right? Or is it? I don't know
EDIT: It is. Right now our goal is to get ourselves to Okinawa, secure a spot for ourselves, and be ready and waiting when she shows up. Our prayers reflect this, and also to get her over there too. It sucks, but if that is what is required, then so be it.
EDIT 2: We reached out. We were ignored. I guess that's one way to solve that problem.
Just... take things at face value. Why do we over think them so? I swear I had this note somewhere, but its since vanished. 75% of the things we worry and fret and keep ourselves awake at night for, are so far out, that the circumstances around them are going to change a million times between now and then, and all the time and effort and cycles we spent on them, were for naught. Just do your best for Jehovah, and he will do his best for you. It literally is as simple as that.
- Notes for if we ever actually get there
Stash this one for much later, but marrige isn't easy. In order to give her the very best, we're going to have to watch every single video, and cover every single article together, and be as open as humanely possible, not taking anything for granted, and celebrating every little thing. We are one flesh, [and a constant team](https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/marriage-work-as-team/)... I hope.
Matt 19:6 - So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together, let no man put apart.”
Focus on the idea of "What do we want" and not "what do I want"
- Reasons to not give up
![[ReinaFinalMessage.mp3]]
Her words do not match her actions. If she really didn't like us, would she have spent that much time with us? She was having fun. So much fun she stayed with us an hour past her bed time, and we had to tell her to go home twice. We get along *very* well. She is focused on herself right now. I can't blame her for that. But, whenever she decides she may want something more, I want to be there ready.
Of the few people we have told, almost all of them have come back with "Hey, you know what, I wouldn't give up yet. Give it time, and see how it plays out."
From Nick: "This is exactly how Heather was. She actually broke it off, and then moved away and pioneered for a year. She came back, and still didn't even say anything. She just kinda started... acting weird. I broached the subject again, and the rest is history. Girls are weird. They can really want something and also completely ignore it at the same time. I think you left it absolutely perfect. Keep praying about it, I will for you too, and if your serious about this girl, I think there's still absolutely something there." (Paraphrased, I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was pretty close to that. Probably)
From JP (And I think partly Jose too): "You can't be mad at her for that. (side point: I'm not at all, that literally just made me like her more). That's like, the perfect decision. That's what you want in a mate, someone that has similar goals as you. I don't think this is over for you at all. if you really like her, I'd just be patient and wait and see what happens. it sounds like she's just focused on herself right now, and that's not a bad thing. In the future, things might change." (Again, paraphrased, I don't remember exactly what he said, but the main points I do remember)
From Martha: "Yea so I know several couples that this happened to, and then they reunite a few years later and then get together. And remember this, Jehovah knows the right timing. Obviously make it a matter of prayer, and trust that he'll arrange things when the time is right, and your able to handle all that stuff. I would also pray, that if Jehovah thinks she's the right one for you, motivate her to reach out (since we ourselves have cut off comms on our end not to annoy her). Especially if you have similar goals, I don't think this is the end of it at all."
We have asked for exactly that, but also if she's not the right one for us, to let us know so we can move on with our lives. By our perspective, she's damn near perfect, so we are going to continue with that assumption unless proven otherwise.
This the the fourth/fifth person that has said exactly this. I believe your direction is quite clear. Continue pressing forward, and look forward to what will come. And above all, trust in Jehovah, and know that he will make happen what needs to happen, when it needs to happen.
From your uncles: This was second hand so no quotes, but "You better text her again, and keep yourself in front of her". Specifically focusing on the being in front of her, and making sure she sees us. This is.... difficult. Ask Jehovah for suggestions
EVEN MAU SAID "I mean, she's not your girlfriend *yet*", AND MAU DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING
Addendum here, I actually forgot to tell him what even happened. Whoops. After telling him, he was like "bruh that's the most mixed signal girl I have ever seen in my life.", but overall, yet again, agreed with the rest of the sentiment expressed by everyone else.
Lmao, this ones just funny, Witch Cole is spreading rumors that I "have a girlfriend in both Japan, and in California." I don't know what kind of person she thinks I am, but that's sheer gold.
Ok, look. This ones a stretch. Hear me out. I know its a stretch, but I also am having a hard time refuting it. I woke up this morning with this very elaborate, but very specific piano rift in my head. Scaled all the way up and down the keyboard, very much like canon. I thought I recognized it from something like Animadrop. On my way home from service, I see a recommended playlist from Animadrop, go ahead and play it. I get curious about the rift, so I click through the top tracks, nothing stands out, but I notice one song, that has a very similar time and key. I keep listening, thinking "Was this it? The rift certainly fits well in it." And then we reach the last 30 seconds, and the rift that has been playing in my head spills out in all its glory across my car speakers. The name of the song? [dont_give_up.](https://open.spotify.com/track/0xIOx5irE042vqjnvP9gKy?si=be4ef39547f247d2) The songs not even in my playlists. It was released 2 weeks ago. I've only listened to it maybe once, if it came across youtube. I told you its a stretch but.... its kinda not tho.
We decided to trust fully in this one. Jehovah's not gonna send an angel down and be like "Hey bro, don't give up, we're rooting for you topside too". He's going to use his people and those close to me to give me encouragement and direction, as he always has. And this is also a very Jehovah-ish way of saying "Hey, I see you, I hear you, don't give up yet, I've got something cooking". So, we take this as a direct response from Jehovah. Jehovah says "Don't give up". We won't.
We tend to judge how things are going, by how smoothly they are going. If thing aren't going smoothly, we assume we don't have Jehovah's blessing. This is... wrong. Consider the example of Nehemiah. It was Nehemiah's job to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. We had an entire video drama about it, and the pains and troubles he went through. Do you think he had Jehovah's Blessing in rebuilding the walls? Did it go smoothly? Just because something isn't going as smoothly as we had hoped or expected it to for us, that is absolutely no indication that we don't have Jehovah's blessing on it. It likely means its just not time yet.
Elaboration: Think about what the wall builders felt like at that point in time. It's easy to see now because we have the full story, we know the walls were built, we know Jehovah intervened and made everything better. But at that point in time, when they had to have a weapon in one hand and brick in motor in the other, they weren't sure of anything. They didn't know what was going to happen. They were just doing what they could, and knew rebuilding the wall was important. It took several years, which was several years of uncertainty for them. Jehovah of course knew what was happening, and knew it would be finished, but they didn't. Parallel with our situation, we don't know anything, we're just sitting here doing our best, trying to figure out exactly whats going on, meanwhile Jehovah knows exactly whats happening, what is going to happen, and has no uncertainties. This ties back in with having absolute faith and trust and confidence in him, because he knows, and he's got this, just like he did for Nehemiah.
Another thought like that: Jehovah has built the universe. Designed systems on both celestial and sub-microscopic scales that we can't even begin to comprehend. Complexity that we can't even begin to fathom, all in interlocking ways that interact with and depend on each other. Do you not think, that the designer, and builder of our reality, can figure out the perfect way to reunite with Reina, at the perfect time, under the perfect circumstances? Trust in Jehovah. Let him know your concerns. Let him know how much you care about and love her, and he will take care of the rest. It's that simple, no need for over thinking.
[Personal Notes](capacities://c5c75463-7e25-4722-b20e-3e261097f128/ba5ece92-fed6-41b0-a9e6-c9f2a0bed6fd?bid=f62ea5d6-d8ab-499e-b7a3-cc9fe59259ce)
To us, the way we humble ourselves, is by submitting to Jehovah's way of doing things, and NOT trying to do them for ourselves.
[Bible Verses Explained:](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/502300141#h=7)
"Christians humble themselves under God’s hand when they rely on him. They acknowledge their limitations and recognize that they cannot overcome trials on their own. ([Proverbs 3:5, 6;](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/20/3#study=discover) [Philippians 4:13](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/50/4#study=discover&v=50:4:13)) They are confident that God has the power to act in their behalf at the right time and in the best possible way."
I asked Jin Song for a Japanese tutor reference on Wednesday, not really for any specific reason, just to see I guess. He said "I can ask my CO, it usually takes him a long time to respond though" and I said "that's fine, I probably won't even do anything till next week. And if not no worries, I can find someone online". As class was starting, on Thursday, the next day, the CO responds, with a name, and a LINE ID. Says the guy is a tutor, living in China but is Japanese, and is currently teaching an American to speak Japanese. Jing Song was all like "whoa, this response time was super fast, this is like... kinda crazy". He even said "I am so honored to have a part in your serving Jehovah, and your hopefully marriage to Reina". I love the straight forwardness of Asians. You think we have Jehovah's Blessing? Don't answer that, I'll tell you. *We Do*
Another hard hitter. The whole Bachelors Degree thing. People would literally kill for this. A full, 4 year degree, in less then a year. And it just kind of falls into your lap, specifically for the purpose of getting you to Okinawa. Now, yes, of course, we are going to Okinawa to serve where the need is greater, to improve our spirituality, and be around a better grade of people, but it ALSO happens to be integral to putting ourselves in front of Reina. Again, I restate, Do you think we have Jehovah's backing? The answer is obvious, we do.
Further on this. We finished our Bachelors Degree in a month. From history class to our thesis, which we got a 99 on by the way, was literally less then a month. WE GRADUATED COLLEGE WITH A 97 GRADE AVERAGE. We ain't stupid, but we sure aren't that smart either. Both the speed and the grade of this very clearly shows this had Jehovah's involvement all through it.
Reina is the only person I see. Nobody else matters. She was talking all "Whoever decides to marry you will be a lucky girl" and all that nonsense. Well, that kinda sucks, because I have no interest in any other girl except for her. That's why we're even going through all this trouble. Because all I can see is Reina.
- [This Paragraph](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=2025243&par=16)
**9** The ransom teaches us that no one loves us as much as Jehovah does​—not even our dearest relative or best friend. **(Read** [Romans 8:32,](https://www.jw.org/en/library/bible/study-bible/books/romans/8/#v45008032) [38, 39](https://www.jw.org/en/library/bible/study-bible/books/romans/8/#v45008038-v45008039)**.)** No doubt Jehovah loves us more than we love ourselves. Do you want to live forever? Not as much as Jehovah wants you to. Do you want to have your sins forgiven? Not as much as Jehovah wants to forgive them. All he asks is that we accept his gracious gift by exercising faith and being obedient. The ransom is truly a profound expression of God’s love. And in the new world, we will learn even more about Jehovah’s love.​—[Eccl. 3:11](https://www.jw.org/en/library/bible/study-bible/books/ecclesiastes/3/#v21003011).
- Love
- [Divine Love Defined](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=1102002048&par=13)
Love has been described as the greatest need humans have. From the cradle to the grave, people strive after love, thrive in its warmth, even pine away and die for lack of it.
Vine’s *Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words* notes: “Love can be known only from the actions it prompts.”
As used in the Bible, *a·gaʹpe* often conveys the idea of love that is guided by principle. So it is more than just an emotional response to another person. It is broader in scope, more thoughtful and deliberate in its basis. Above all, Christian love is utterly unselfish.
When Jehovah expressed his qualities, he chose various animals to represent each one. But for love, he chose a mans face. Why? Because humans are the only ones (made in his image), that can make a choice to show genuine love.
Sometimes, the most profound expression of love is simply to remain, to be there, always.
If ever asked the question "Do you love Reina?" at initial thought, I would respond "Yes." without issue. Upon further reflection of what genuine, true love actually entails, I believe the answer at this point, is actually "No". Why? Simply put, I don't know her well enough. I know some parts of who she is, and all those parts I do absolutely love. But, that is only a fraction of who she is. I did see her "inner person" for a brief point in time, on that Sunday I spent with her, and there's no doubt I fell hard into love with what I saw there, but that again, was only a fraction. Love is so much more then just liking someone, or something about somebody. It is a very conscious choice. A very purposeful, continued effort. An infinite heart, applied to that person (or group of people, if applied to the congregation). *It is always forgiving, always present, always giving attention, always listening, always looking out for the other, always putting their interests ahead of your own. It is an all encompassing, chosen way of life, when you decide to actively, and continuedly show love toward someone.*
I do not yet love Reina. I am unable, she kinda put me on ice. But, after studying and understanding this, I now understand, that that is what I want more then anything. Both to give, and to receive that level of all encompassing love, and trust, from her. Now, that is a *massive* request to ask of anybody. It involves levels of trust and friendship that, well, are only shared between couples for a reason. I can't imagine willingly giving that amount of trust to anyone, and yet here I am asking for such. Kinda puts things into perspective, yea?
I want to live my life, in such a way, that I may, one day, earn Reina's trust, and hopefully love. This is my plan, and my request. Succinctly put, I want to spend my life both *with*, and *on* Reina, as if it was some sort of currency to spend. Reina is worth disregarding the rest of my life for. Granted, thats not very balanced, and I'm sure there would be some sort of equilibrium between the two lifes, but even if there weren't, even if I had to sacrifice everything, I would gladly spend it on her.
EDIT: So, upon further reflection, we uh..... yea we love Reina. Sorry. Not as much as we want to, maybe, but we definitely love her. We ain't doing all this crap for someone we just kinda like a little bit, yea?
[Jacob fell in love with love with Rachel](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=01029018&pub=nwtsty), and worked seven years to marry her. The scriptures say "but in his eyes they were like just a few days because of his love for her." Laban (Rachels Father, and who Jacob was working for) eventually tricked Jacob, gave him Leah instead, and made Jacob work another 7 years for Rachel (although let him marry her after a week). Jacob didn't really care, he did it willingly. This is how I feel about Reina. If Jehovah asks me to work for her for 7 years, I will gladly do so. If Jehovah asks me to work for her for 14 years, I will gladly do so. But, also keep in mind that even Laban let him have her after 7 years, and Jehovah is far better then Laban is, yea?
Satan has built a world based on instant gratification. The single and only thing he can offer that is "better" then what Jehovah can, is that he can give you what you want right now. Of course, whatever he gives pales in comparison to whatever Jehovah provides. In short, *Good things come, to those who wait.*
Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to us, we have actually been quite molded by Satan's system of things in this regard. We are used to instant gratification, especially working in the field that we do. We met Reina and were all like "oh, yea, this is it, starting today I'm going to spend my life for her". That was.. not how things turned out. Definitely an instance where my spirituality was lacking, but now I since known, and can work on that. So, yet again, good things come to those who wait, and I will gladly wait for her, for there's not many "good things" better, then spending time with her.
At the meeting, we always feel perfectly fine and patient. Fully trusting Jehovah without a worry of losing her at all. This is Holy Spirit. This is how we are supposed to feel. This is how Jehovah wants us to feel. Ask for that on repeat, and we'll be alright.
Reading above while literally still sitting at the hall, there was a tinge of doubt. Why doubt? We're in the kingdom Hall, of all the places for Holy Spirit to exist, it's here. This is irrefutable. If we, repeatedly, feel a certain way while at the Kingdom Hall, don't you think that's how Jehovah wants us to feel? Just trust in Jehovah with everything you've got, and it will be taken care of perfectly. Perhaps we need to ask for more faith and trust?
Holy Spirit is addicting. When under its influence, we feel like there is nothing in the world to worry about, and its because there isn't. When we know we have Jehovah's backing
- [Robert Luccioni: Another Convenient Time (Luke 4:6)](https://www.jw.org/en/library/videos/#en/mediaitems/VODPgmEvtMorningWorship/pub-jwb_202010_16_VIDEO) - 10min
It was like a kick in the gut when we watched this video, because it calls out our fallacies pretty pointedly.
Satans attack vector on Jesus himself, was to undermine his trust in Jehovah. Are we not under that exact same attack? Satan says "You gotta do things quickly, and right now. If you really want something, go and get it right this second, and do it yourself, because otherwise your going to lose it and she'll be gone forever". He's literally using FOMO. Meanwhile, Jehovah says "Relax, I'll take care of this, I hear your requests, I see your love and care for her, and your love and care for me, I'll take care of things. Not necessarily on your time table, but you stay busy doing things for me, I'll make very sure things will work out well for you guys, at the proper time, when everything is perfect."
So yea, Jehovah's got this, if you'd stop trying to rush things for half a second, let Jehovah do his thing, and focus on what he wants you to do in the meantime, then you, and everything else, will be fine, and work out better then you can ever imagine. Don't believe me? Look up those scriptures up there, and then pray your heart out, and trust it'll be handled.
- Pour out your hearts before him.​—Ps. 62:8.
Whom can we turn to when we need comfort and guidance? We know the answer to that question. We can approach Jehovah God in prayer. Jehovah invites us to do just that. He wants us to pray often​—to “pray constantly.” ([1 Thess. 5:17](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/6/0)) We can freely approach him in prayer and seek his guidance in all aspects of our life. ([Prov. 3:5, 6](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/7/0)) Being the generous God he is, Jehovah places no limit on the number of times we can pray to him. Jesus understood that Jehovah values prayer. Long before coming to earth, he saw his Father answer the prayers of faithful men and women. For example, Jesus was at his Father’s side when He answered the sincere prayers of Hannah, David, and Elijah, to name a few. ([1 Sam. 1:10, 11,](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/8/0) [20;](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/8/1) [1 Ki. 19:4-6;](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/8/2) [Ps. 32:5](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/8/3)) No wonder Jesus taught his disciples to pray often and with confidence!​—[Matt. 7:7-11](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/9/0). [w23.05 2 ¶1,](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/pc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/1/0) [3](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/pc/r1/lp-e/1102025203/1/1)
Also.... kind of a dumb thing, but like... everyone wants to be loved. *Everyone.* She is just as human as we are, and while she looks like an impenetrable fortress, no human is perfect. Just need the right set of circumstances for both of us.
So this is more of a thought with our own experiences applied to it, take it with a grain of salt. From what we can tell, Saturday she was still on board. Sunday, she was not. That means Saturday night, she decided to not pursue the relationship, to focus on her assignment, and to go to Okinawa instead. Now, while very commendable, we ourselves have also made decisions like that, in a burst of emotion , on a single night. They... don't usually work out. Not that I'm saying hers won't, I have no doubt she fully plans and is capable of doing so, it's just, again from our own experiences, life has a way of getting in the way of plans your not very determined to do. My point in saying this, is when next year rolls around when she should be going over there permanently, I think there's a very good chance we will both be in different circumstances then we are now, and plans may not work as well as, well, she planned for.
Lol, it looks like we're headed there anyways, only from Jehovah's blessing & support of course. Best be praying for her to be over there too, yea?
[1 John 5:14,15](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/62/5#study=discover&v=62:5:14-62:5:15) - And this is the confidence* that we have toward him,+ that no matter what we ask according to his will, he hears us.+ 15 And if we know that he hears us concerning whatever we are asking, we know that we are to have the things we ask for, since we have asked them of him.+
Everything in relation to Reina has been done in accordance with Jehovah's will. We met her, doing his well. We like her, because of her spiritual focus, and focus on his will. The future we want with her, is doing his will. She and Jehovah's will are tied together, much like we and Jehovah's will are tied together. ***Asking for Reina, is in accordance with Jehovah's will.***There is no extra room for interpretation, accept this as the truth it is.
[1 John 3:18](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/62/3#study=discover&v=62:3:18) - Little children, we should love, not in word or with the tongue, but in deed and truth.
We often apply this scripture to ourselves, but... it applies to Reina to. Specifically in the fact (at least that I can see), that her words were saying "I just want to be friends, I'm focusing on other things, etc.", but her actions (or, you know, deeds), said "Your fun to hang out with and I'll even go out of my way to spend time with you". I by no means suggest anything drastic, but, there just seems to be a lot of evidence pointing toward the "just wait a bit and see what happens" advice we've gotten.
So, just an interesting thought. I was sitting there, listening to Martha tell stories about her and Bill. She was not particularly enthused about Bill. Only reason she married him was because he just wouldn't leave. And, well, so many years later here we are. Reina isn't particularly enthused about us, but we happen to have a plan in place, backed by Jehovah nonetheless, that will plant us front and center in her view. Of course, no situation is the same, but its just a funny thought. Perhaps we can adjust our prayers accordingly?
- Pioneer Meeting with Circuit
308 count at 10:30
#### Part 2
[Phil 2:13](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/50/2#study=discover&v=50:2:13) - For God is the one who for the sake of his good pleasure energizes you, giving you both the desire and the power to act.
This is what happens when we work in tandem with gods will.
Jehovah knows every bit of who we are. He knows us better then we know ourselves. He knows what we want, he knows our fears, he knows our capabilities, all of it. He can fill in our shortcomings easily, and make what needs to happen, happen.
Jehovah gives us strength and desire to do whatever he wants us to do. We are inadequate alone, but not with Jehovah's help.
Bible study focus
#### Part 3
[1 John 5:14,15](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/62/5#study=discover&v=62:5:14-62:5:15)- And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that no matter what we ask according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us concerning whatever we are asking, we know that we are to have the things we ask for, since we have asked them of him.
cultivate desire to get a Bible study. Pray about it
[Mark 11:24](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/41/11#study=discover&v=41:11:24) - This is why I tell you, all the things you pray and ask for, have faith that you have received them, and you will have them
act in harmony with our prayers
[Psalms 65:2](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/19/65#study=discover&v=19:65:2) - O Hearer of prayer, to you people of all sorts will come
Hearer of prayer is Jehovah
[Matt 7: 7-11](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/40/7#study=discover&v=40:7:7-40:7:8) - “Keep on asking, and it will be given you;+ keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you;+ 8 for everyone asking receives,+ and everyone seeking finds, and to everyone knocking, it will be opened. 9 Indeed, which one of you, if his son asks for bread, will hand him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, he will not hand him a serpent, will he? 11 Therefore, if you, although being wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more so will your Father who is in the heavens give good things+ to those asking him!+
we know this one well, yea?
[Colossians 4:2](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/51/4#study=discover&v=51:4:2) - Persevere in prayer,[+](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1001070155/125) remaining awake in it with thanksgiving.
#### Part 4
[Ecc 11:6](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/21/11#study=discover&v=21:11:6) - Sow your seed in the morning and do not let your hand rest until the evening;[+](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/bc/r1/lp-e/1001070125/240) for you do not know which will have success, whether this one or that one, or whether they will both do well.
focus on work, and let Jehovah worry about the results. It's a matter of eventuality, not success
#### Part 5
~360 total pioneer
[Matt 16:22,23](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/40/16#study=discover&v=40:16:22-40:16:23) - At this Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying: “Be kind to yourself, Lord; you will not have this happen to you at all.”+ 23 But turning his back,* he said to Peter: “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me, because you think, not God’s thoughts, but those of men.”
Peter thought there was a limit to what could be sacrificed for the kingdom, but Jesus said "lol no"
Jehovah will take care of us if we reach out, especially beyond our comfort zone.
[1 Peter 2:20,21](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/60/2#s=20&study=discover&v=60:2:21) - For what merit is there if you are beaten for sinning and you endure it?+ But if you endure suffering because of doing good, this is an agreeable thing to God.+ 21 In fact, to this course you were called, because even Christ suffered for you,+ leaving a model for you to follow his steps closely.
Endure suffering for what is good
#### Part 6
Do things Jehovah's way, and it'll work out very well, because we have his blessing
[Isa 26:12](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/23/26#v=23:26:12) - O Jehovah, you will grant us peace, Because everything we have done You have accomplished for us.
If Jehovah can give us something today, he can give us something tomorrow. This was applied in providing for us, but it also applies to other things, yea?
Thought courtesy of Astra: People are not constants. Think of the transformations we've been through the past year, spurned forward by various forces we couldn't have predicted. To assume we are the only ones that have, and will change, is foolish.
- Notes on Patience & Endurance
The original rendering of the Hebrew word "patience" is "long suffering". Literally, suffering that is long. I feel this is a pretty apt description. This world, mostly due to electronics and the instantaneousness of it all, excels at murdering our patience.
> The instant results we get from this technology have in turn increased our appetite for instant gratification in other aspects of our lives. - [Awake! Dec 2012](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=102012442&par=3)
As referenced before in our other notes, we have 100% been affected by this, without even realizing it, and the situation with Reina brought it, painfully, into focus. I've always known patience was a lacking quality of mine, but now it is being tested more then I ever would have imagined. But, that's growth, right? The following are my findings about patience.
The greatest example we have of patience, is Jehovah himself. Jehovah had a special, chosen people. He loved his people dearly. They promised him that they would never stray from his statutes, and always obey his commandments. These people were the Israelites, and this did not happen. What did Jehovah do? He sent them prophets, time and time again, over the course of hundreds of years. He warned them, he begged them to go back to doing what was right, he wanted nothing more then their well being. What was their response?
> 2 Kings 17:14 - But they did not listen, and they remained just as stubborn as their forefathers who had not shown faith in Jehovah their God.
On top of that, they often killed the prophets that Jehovah sent, ultimately crossing the line when they killed Jehovah's first born, Jesus. The point of all this, is Jehovah showed extreme patience to his people. Why? Because he loved them. His love for his people, his special, chosen people, motivated him to keep showing them patience, and keep showing them love.
The parallels for us? First reference the Special Note in the Gilead Graduation right above this note, and then reference Smithy's Notes.
- Chat with Smithy
After my shepherding visit, and doing some research specifically into what she is going through, I realized my errors. In my heartache I had become entirely results focused. I needed to shift back to "what can I reasonably do? What do I need to get straightened out with my own self regardless of her and what she does?"
This thinking reminded me of the control that I do have. I remembered and contemplated that I can set myself up for success or, at the very least, reduced grief, by doing what you guys had all been telling me: what I can. I also meditated on the fact that Jehovah never abandons and that he helps deal with these feelings, even if we don't get the results we sought.
I started hearing her more for what she was actually trying to say, rather than letting my hurt translate it for me.
I channeled the truest form of "it is what it is."
Adapt. Grow. Audit.
I've always had this strange fear that if I don't directly fight for the love I want, it would never be given to me. This is a trauma thing. Unfortunately this does not comply with the Bible's definition of love. I can't make her love me. I must focus on the real form of love, that doesn't look for it's own interest.
Incidentally I'll tell you the results of some meditation on love I did a while back.
The Bible says that love never fails. But how is this possible? After all, you can love your wife and she still leave you. You can love you children and they still go down a path that ultimately leads to pain and regret. You can work with a spiritual brother or sister and they still not heed your counsel. So in what way does love never fail? It is in the definition.
'Love doesn't look for it's own interests." True love has absolutely nothing to do with results or what you get in return for the investment. That's not to say that any form of self interest is "unloving." We get hungry, we eat. We get hot or cold, we adjust accordingly. We take care of ourselves, and this is good and balanced.
Love, though, is 100% focused on someone else. If you kiss your mate on the cheek hoping that they'll kiss you back, is that love? It depends. Were you happy to kiss them regardless? Was your main purpose an expression of affection and you only hoped for a return because it would be a nice moment for the two of you? Or were you really just wishing they would show you affection and using the kiss to try to fish for it? Both look the same on the surface. One is motivated by love; the other by a desire to be loved.
So if we think about 'doesn't look for it's own interest' as a definition, rather than as a principle or law, it becomes more clear.
Your message to her was partly to make her smile, and partly a prudent thing to do. She is now more aware where you are; that there's someone interested in her that she knows. Some people may have written off a relationship due to the distance and uncertain variables at play. In these circumstances, I wouldn't be surprised for someone to elect to ghost. But you have taken steps to be communicative, and she hasn't said or done anything to stop you. Honestly it is on her to say something at this point. If her feels are there at all, she'll want to respond. Idk why she wouldn't. Not saying there's literally no reason, but this gets into the next part of the sermon.
Investigating a person as a potential mate isn't inherently a loving thing. The trick with love is, just because something isn't loving doesn't mean it isn't good. When you investigate a potential mate you are looking at facts about that person, and comparing them with facts about yourself. Honestly its a pretty boring and logical process, if you keep your treacherous heart in check. The thing about love is that it is kind of like feeding a scared animal you found. You lay out the food, and at first you have to back away and see what they do, cuz they won't get close to you yet... if they're smart. Don't trust the ones that get too close too fast. May make you feel good at first, but if they don't have healthy boundaries and self care, that's a red flag. Even if you hit it off really really well, there should be some brakes here and there that remind you both that you're taking this seriously and haven't already secretly decided to marry.
Leaving the food in this illustration is the love. According to one of our publications "love demonstrates itself in actions that are pleasing the one that is loved." We may hope for certain outcomes, but the expression is issued regardless. Being disappointed or let down by not getting what we were hoping for doesn't mean that we didn't demonstrate love.
Once the love has been placed, the wise and mature person will allow the other person to interact with it as they please. Does she text you back? Does she allow business to become an excuse not to? If so, why? Does she want to take forever, leaving you anxious, because she really wants to think about it? Not horrible, but something would be nice.
Here's the crux of it, though. Love has nothing to do with how the other person acts. You set it out with their best interest in mind. It can't fail because they ignore it or don't listen or whatever the case may be. You expressed something in a loving way. Love has auto success. Whatever she does with it doesn't affect that.
Now, if the feelings aren't mutual, and she doesn't like the contact, that was still is love on your part. She would need to communicate her feelings more clearly. Intention is a key factor. You had the best intentions: you were looking for her interests, rather than stewing on feelings and uncertainty while she remained clueless.
Again, you can think of how Jehovah demonstrated love to Israel by sending His prophets. The people didn't listen to the prophets, and we see how that went (Israel is freaking crazy these days). But it would be inaccurate to say that Jehovah's love failed because the people weren't saved. The people didn't even feel loved by the action! It was a nuisance to them to deal with Jehovah's expressions of love because the prophets told them things they needed to do better and differently.
The act of love stands alone. Anything after that is something else. So did the love fail the Israelites? No. Jehovah's love behaved as His words defines: 'patient, kind, not jealous, etc.' So what can we say about the outcome of love, then? If the results aren't what we want, how can we still say it succeeded? Because that
's literally just the definition of love. It is a given thing. What failed here was the people's faith. Their love didn't fail. They just didn't have love. Yes Jehovah was hoping they would turn around. Hoping for an outcome doesn't cross the line of 'not looking for your own interest' all the time.
So whenever it is that love doesn't produce the results you are hoping for, zoom out and look at the other qualities at play. Just because something isn't love doesn't mean it is unloving. You wanted to make her smile; you sent a positive message to her. That's loving. You would appreciate a response of some sort. That is your own self interest, but not at all unloving. It is perfectly rational and reasonable. Just not definable as 'love'. I hope this makes sense.
I've been having to remind myself of this a loooooooot lately. I get so wrapped up wanting to be loved and cherished by my wife that I lost sight of these principles. Instead, I am now trying to focus on my expressions of love, regardless of what she does. Even if she leaves, or doesn't accept my love, that doesn't mean it failed. Love goes out from us, and that is success. If it is rejected, that is some quality on their end and does not change your expression or its value.
Good stuff! And just to round out that thought, love "believes all things" for example. That doesn't mean we are naive. "Hopes all things" doesn't mean we never accept loss or failure. It just means that, by definition, it is love when you choose to believe the best about someone. It is no longer definable as love if you stop believing them. But that isn't automatically unloving. Maybe you have a good reason to doubt. Could be wisdom, or evidence or any other valid thing. To me, part of the purpose of chapter 13 is to help us understand what love is AND isn't, but not to say that it is the only important quality.
Particularly about Reina:
Based on the way she has interacted, personally, I would leave the ball in her court, too.
But as you helped remind me, we can only do what we can do. Seeing the good we do regardless of results is a good.
Beginning to get the pictures? Jehovah's love motivated him to keep hoping in and believing that his people would turn around, and do what is right. Our love for Reina, should motivate us to keep hoping in and believing that she'll give us the time of day. Granted similarities of the two parallels end there, and Reina not giving us the time of day certainly is not a grave sin by any definition of the word. But, the exact same type of kind, unselfish, loyal love being shown by Jehovah, is what you are showing Reina. So, how the heck are we supposed to endure and find patience? By loving Reina, which we already are. Continue showing the selfless, loyal love towards her, in exercising patience. That is what we can do right now, and show a waiting attitude for Jehovah, as he knows what needs to happen, when it needs to happen. Not everyone gets an opportunity to move across the world in an attempt to chase the one they love, yea? Jehovah's not abandoning this, and doesn't want you to either. Love him, Love her, and endure.
EDIT: A couple futher very brief notes:
- When dealing with people especially, effort can not take the place of time. Often, time *and* effort are required, and more of one can not take the place of the other.
- This Watchtower Article for Patience - [https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=2013844](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=2013844)
- And this one for Endurance - [https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=2016282](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=2016282)
> [James 1:4](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=59001004&pub=nwtsty) - Let endurance complete its work, so that you may be complete and sound in all respects, not lacking in anything.
Our endurance serves a purpose. The WT article said "Trials often reveal our weaknesses, aspects of our personality that we need to refine. If we endure those trials, however, our Christian personality becomes more complete, or sound. For example, we may become more patient, appreciative, and compassionate." Do you not think we have changed significantly, for the better, because of our endurance? We are leagues better then we were before. The changes we have made in the past 6 months, honestly feel like more then we've made in the past 10 years. That's pretty impressive, I think.
The WT Article also defines endurance as this:
> Endurance is “the spirit which can bear things, not simply with resignation, but with **blazing hope**,” says one reference work. “It is the quality which keeps a man on his feet with his face to the wind. It is the virtue which can transmute the hardest trial into glory because beyond the pain it sees the goal.”
> [Romans 15:5](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=45015005&pub=nwtsty) - Now may the God who supplies endurance and comfort grant you to have among yourselves the same mental attitude that Christ Jesus had,
Endurance comes from Jehovah. We have to ask for it. Jehovah provides the hope for these things. Meditate on the support we have recieved from Jehovah pertaining to Reina. The whole college thing, the impossibly timed music selections, the words and advice from others. You will have your second chance. Make the best of it.
- Things to keep in mind
1. Focus on our end goal, and what exactly we want, with specifics.
There's no question on what we want. It's pretty specific, simple even. Our goal is to end up in Okinawa (or anywhere Jehovah sends us, but starting off in Oki), happily serving Jehovah, hopefully happily married to Reina. That's it.
Amendment: Oki would be nice, but my priority is Reina. I'll go wherever Jehovah wants me, if its for Reina. Actually I'll just go wherever wants me period, but I *really* ask that its with Reina.
If your searching for more, you can dig into the extra specifics. Things like "Helping a couple into the truth, as a couple" or "Planning a game night with friends in the hall at our house", etc. If its specifically with Reina, then it can be things like "Getting to cook something together" or "Walking along the beach with each other", or just general "Figuring out life with Reina". That's all we're looking for in the end, is someone we like enough to spend all our time with, and serve Jehovah with. And... I guess that's Reina.
2. Consider the fact that this is a decision that Jehovah is fully in support of
This one's interesting, because its staring us in the face, and yet its like we can't see it half the time. We know we are making decisions based on spiritual principles. We know we are making decisions that Jehovah will bless. The future we so desire, is literally exactly what Jehovah wants for his people, us included. Go up and read those scriptures above for further proof, but we know what we're doing is right, and we know the choices we're making about monumental things, like where to live, who we want to marry, what we want to spend our life doing, are all spiritually focused decisions. If we follow this course, we will have Jehovah's blessing, direction, and spirit helping us along. It's as simple as that, we just need to trust in that, and stop trying to figure out things for ourselves. For you reading this, life is complicated enough, why are you trying to complicate it further? These are promises from Jehovah. Leave the matter in his hands, and keeping serving him. Let him figure out the stuff we can't. Pray constantly, that we are able to put our trust in him, and stop trying to do this ourself. Focus on what we can do, and let him worry about what we can't, yea?
3. Review the plan we have in place, and what we can do in the meantime
I'm fairily certain Reina had no intention of ever dating us. She let us come to see who were, and that was it. But, I don't think she had planned for us getting along with each other as well as we did. We want more of that. And so, the plan is simple. It's two fold.
Goal 1: Position ourselves in such a way where not only will we be reunited with her, but we will be in a perfect position to support her, to take care of her, and to love her. This includes physically, spiritually, emotionally, and whatever else she needs.
Goal 2: Piggybacking off that last part, we need to become what she wants and needs. The problem is we don't know exactly what that is, so we'll just become everything. Drastic? Yes. Worth it? Yes. Don't forget point 2 either. We have Jehovah's blessing (see Reasons Not To Give Up above), we have the resources required to do it, it just takes time, and effort. But again, what is this piddly investment of resources and time, when compared with the eternity I'd get to spend with Reina, serving Jehovah?
4. We have decided exactly this in the meantime, and promised this to Jehovah: "We're going to do our best for you, and continue trusting in and putting you first. In return, we humbly ask that you do the best that can be done for our situation too." So, that's our task for the moment. We have our orders, the rest will fall into place in due time.
1. HAVE FAITH YOU DUMBASS. GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT, YEA? Trust that he will take care of things. He knows, he's got this, stop freaking out over things you've left in Jehovah's hands, and let him keep his promises to handle things for you, yea? You really are doing the best you can do, and he sees that. Trust that he will repay you in kind.
Double fuck that. I'm not losing her, and if I already have, I'm going to find her again. I don't care how many times it takes, or what it will entail. Please?
# Update: 5/30/25
Hey, so uh.. hows it going? So its been about two months since all of that happened. Some things have gotten better. Some things have gotten worse. In the past two months, we've been appointed as an elder, gotten a college degree, had a best friend ignore my advice and almost get disfellowshipped, and am currently in the middle of helping someone save their marriage. Can't say any of these were on my bingo card, but here we are. In respects to Reina, we've put ourselves through hell, and the only person to blame for such, is ourselves. We sent her a message earlier this week (May 26, 2025), first time since we've talked to her (if you can even call it that) since we last saw her in March. I just said hey, thinking about you, etc, and she uh... left me on read, so that hurt. I'm probably looking to far into it though, I did say "if your busy don't worry about responding", and so she didn't.
Yesterday was particularly bad, for our own internals, no need to delve into the details there, as I'm sure our memory won't let us forget. I promised A I'd write this out, and then update this doc with the scriptures we have found refuge in these past few weeks. So, without further ado, this is what we've got.
Starting with [Proverbs 3:5](https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwtsty/20/3#study=discover&v=20:3:5):
> Trust in Jehovah+ with all your heart,
And do not rely* on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways take notice of him, And he will make your paths straight.
There's no doubt that one of our greatest follies, is trusting our own thoughts, solutions, and perspectives far more then we should. Whenever we think we've figured something out, and consider it as infallible truth, one of us needs to remind the other that we are in fact idiots, don't know the situation, the facts, the internal emotions involved, and even if we did, draw the wrong conclusions just as often as we draw the right conclusions. We can not, under any circumstances, trust in our own understanding. Instead, trust in Jehovah with all our heart, and with what effect? He will make our paths straight. Straight to Reina? We don't know, but we do know he knows what we want and need, so its very possible. The path we are directed toward, will be exactly where we need to be though, that much we can be sure of.
Moving on to [Psalms 62:8](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=19062008&pub=nwtsty):
> 8 Trust in him at all times, O people. Pour out your hearts before him. God is a refuge for us.
Accompanied by this [daily text](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=1102025203&par=7), very often we get stuck in our own head. Dare I say the majority of time we are stuck in our own head, consumed by god knows what. This is what happens when we try to handle things ourselves, and after far to much deliberation, we reach a conclusion, and believe in it with our entire soul. It's usually wrong, as we mentioned before. Pour out our hearts to Jehovah. Ask for his spirit to help us reach the right conclusion. Ask for wisdom, insight, discernment, and everything else we need. And sometimes, we just aren't going to find the answers. This is where faith and trust come in. It's easy to trust in something when you know the answers, when you know what's coming, and everything else about the situation. But, what kind of faith is that? That's not faith, thats cause and effect. Echoed in both the first and second scripture, Trust in Jehovah. He has proven he is trust worthy. And when we trust him, what happens?
> [Matthew 6:33,34](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=40006033&pub=nwtsty): Keep on, then, seeking first the Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these other things will be added to you. 34 So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles
Put Jehovah first, put Kingdom interests first, and "all other things will be added to you." Not "all other things might be added" or "All other things will probably be added" or even "putting the kingdom first has the greatest chance of all other things being added". Listen to this, this was a study guide note for Verse 34:
> **never be anxious about the next day:** The Scriptures encourage proper planning. ([Pr 21:5](jwpub://b/NWTR/20:21:5-20:21:5)) However, undue anxiety about what *may* happen in the future can adversely affect a person’s relationship with God, causing him to rely on his own wisdom rather than on God’s.​—[Pr 3:5, 6](jwpub://b/NWTR/20:3:5-20:3:6).
Sound familiar? This is what being called out feels like. Here are some more scriptures along these same lines of thoughts to serve as extra battery:
> [Isaiah 26:12](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=23026012&pub=nwtsty): 12 O Jehovah, you will grant us peace, Because everything we have done You have accomplished for us.
> [Philippians 4:6,7](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=50004006&pub=nwtsty): 6 Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.
> [Psalms 139:23,24](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=19139023&pub=nwtsty): Search through me, O God, and know my heart. Examine me, and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See whether there is in me any harmful way, And lead me in the way of eternity.
Our future is in the hands of Jehovah, and thats just where it needs to be. We need not concern ourselves with it. Of course, we want to spend it with Reina, and we have made Jehovah *painfully* aware of that. Why?
> [1 John 5:14,15](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=62005014&pub=nwtsty): And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that no matter what we ask according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us concerning whatever we are asking, we know that we are to have the things we ask for, since we have asked them of him.
> [Matthew 7:7-10](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=40007007&pub=nwtsty): “Keep on asking, and it will be given you; keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you; 8 for everyone asking receives, and everyone seeking finds, and to everyone knocking, it will be opened. 9 Indeed, which one of you, if his son asks for bread, will hand him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, he will not hand him a serpent, will he?11 Therefore, if you, although being wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more so will your Father who is in the heavens give good things to those asking him!
> Footnote on Matthew: Keep on asking, . . . seeking, . . . knocking: The rendering “keep on” expresses the continuous action indicated by the Greek verb form used here and shows the need for perseverance in prayer. The use of three verbs indicates intensity. Jesus makes a similar point in his illustration at Lu 11:5-8.
> [Luke 11:5-8](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=42011005&pub=nwtsty): Then he said to them: “Suppose one of you has a friend and you go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves,6 because one of my friends has just come to me on a journey and I have nothing to offer him.’7 But that one replies from inside: ‘Stop bothering me. The door is already locked, and my young children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything.’8 I tell you, even if he will not get up and give him anything because of being his friend, certainly because of his bold persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs.
> Footnote on that bit in Luke: bold persistence: The Greek word used here can literally be rendered “lack of modesty” or “shamelessness.” However, in this context, it denotes a persistent boldness or insistence. The man in Jesus’ illustration does not feel ashamed or hold back from asking persistently for what he needs, and Jesus tells his disciples that their prayers should likewise be persistent.​—Lu 11:9, 10.
So, if nothing else, our sheer persistence and annoyance are actually worth something to Jehovah. And now for the nails in the coffin for prayer:
> [Jeremiah 29:12](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=24029012&pub=nwtsty): 12 And you will call me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
And also this [daily tex](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=1102025204&par=55)t. It goes over how Jehovah may not grant all our requests, and considers how they will fit into his greater purpose, which we know. However, and we can't say this for sure obviously, but if Jehovah's purpose is to fill the earth with men and woman who are joyfully united under his rulership, serving as happy family units, I'm pretty sure it would fit in perfectly OK with his purpose.
> [1 John 3:7](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=62003007&pub=nwtsty): 7 Little children, let no one mislead you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as that one is righteous.
> [1 John 3:21,22](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=62003021&pub=nwtsty): Beloved ones, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have freeness of speech toward God; 22 and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we are observing his commandments and doing what is pleasing in his eyes.
Despite what our internals tell us, the scriptures put it pretty point blank. The one who practices righteousness, which we do, is righteous. Full stop. And if we are righteous, we have freeness of speech toward god, and whatever we ask, we receive, directly because we are doing what is pleasing in his eyes, and observing his commandments. The future we so desire *will not come from us.* It will come as a blessing from Jehovah, because we are focused on his will.
> [Malachi 3:10](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=39003010&pub=nwtsty): 10 Bring the entire tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in my house; and test me out, please, in this regard,” Jehovah of armies says, “to see whether I will not open to you the floodgates of the heavens and pour out on you a blessing until there is nothing lacking.”
Nothing lacking is awfully all encompassing, don't you think?
> [Proverbs 3:9,10](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=20003009&pub=nwtsty): Honor Jehovah with your valuable things, With the firstfruits of all your produce; 10 Then your storehouses will be completely filled, And your vats will overflow with new wine.
The footnote on "firstfruits" says "or "Very Best". Give Jehovah our very best, and he will respond in kind, until we could want for nothing else. And last I recalled, the only thing we really want, and have ever really, really wanted, was Reina. So..... it all checks out, yea?
Some side points I also wanted to make:
> [Daily Text for May 15th, 2025](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=1102025204&par=44):
All the Israelites began to murmur against Moses.​—Num. 14:2.
​
​The Israelites rejected the clear proof that Jehovah was using Moses as His representative. (Num. 14:10, 11) Repeatedly, they refused to recognize Moses’ role. As a result, that generation of Israelites was denied entry into the Promised Land. (Num. 14:30) However, some Israelites did follow Jehovah’s guidance. For example, Jehovah noted: “Caleb . . . kept following after me wholeheartedly.” (Num. 14:24) God rewarded Caleb, even granting him his preferred choice of land in Canaan. (Josh. 14:12-14) The next generation of Israelites also set a good example in following Jehovah’s guidance. When Joshua succeeded Moses as the appointed leader of the Israelites, they “deeply respected him all the days of his life.” (Josh. 4:14) As a result, Jehovah blessed them by bringing them into the land that he had promised.​—Josh. 21:43, 44. w24.02 21 ¶6-7
It's talking about how the Israelites were not content, and kept murmuring against Jehovah as he brought them out of Egypt, wishing they had never left, and not putting faith in the promise that he was actively leading them towards. The parallels to our own situation are obvious, and this serves as a very direct and pointed warning for us. Not trusting in Jehovah, results in not receiving the things we so desire.
> [Daily Text for May 20th, 2025](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=1102025204&par=59):
​You have seen my affliction; you are aware of my deep distress.​—Ps. 31:7.
​
​When you face a trial that makes you afraid, remember that Jehovah takes note of the trial and of how that trial makes you feel. For example, Jehovah noticed not only the mistreatment of the Israelites in Egypt but also “the pains they [suffered].” (Ex. 3:7) You may wonder, though, how Jehovah is supporting you while you face a frightening trial. So ask him to help you to see his support. (2 Ki. 6:15-17) Then consider: Has a talk or a comment at a congregation meeting strengthened you? Has a publication, a video, or an original song encouraged you? Has someone shared a reassuring thought or scripture with you? We might easily take for granted our loving brotherhood and the spiritual food we receive. Yet, they are extraordinary gifts from Jehovah. (Isa. 65:13; Mark 10:29, 30) They prove that he cares about you. (Isa. 49:14-16) And they prove that he is worthy of your trust. w24.01 4-5 ¶9-10
Focus on those last two sentences. The blessing we receive, of which we can list many, prove that Jehovah cares about us, and that he is worthy of our trust.
And finally, our direct instructions:
> [Hebrews 10:36](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=58010036&pub=nwtsty): 36 For you need endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the fulfillment of the promise.
Head up, eyes forward. We may be terribly confused. We may not be able to see clearly because of the tears in our eyes. We may be in physical pain because of the v~~o~~id we ripped open. But driven by our faith in these promises, by the future we so desire, and by the love we have for both Reina, and Jehovah, these things will serve as the fire that keeps our engines burning. I leave you with one final scripture, to serve as coal to your fire, a long lasting fuel that will bring us to the finish line and beyond:
> [1 Corinthians 13:4-8](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=46013004&pub=nwtsty): Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, 5 does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. 6 It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. **7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.**
> Footnote on verse 8: Love never fails: Love will never come to an end or cease to exist, for “God is love” and he is “the King of eternity.” (1Jo 4:16; 1Ti 1:17) Obedient humans will display such love throughout all eternity. Also, love is never found lacking or wanting. **Love is equal to any occasion, to any challenge. It always produces a good result, or outcome.​**—1Co 13:13.
I know we love Reina. I know we love Jehovah. Love bears all things. Love believes all things. Love hopes all things. Love endures all things. Love never fails. Godspeed, Hollow.
# Update 5/31/25
OK so this is literally the next day after before, I probably should of just waited, but as it goes. I feel like I'm busy over here transforming my life, and tearing myself apart for this girl, and she can't even bother to respond to a voice message once every few months. It has come to my realization, that the girl I fell in love with may have never existed in the first place. What I know of her is from a few weeks on the other side of the planet, and a single weekend which she both brought us sky high and to hell below. I really don't want to give up on her, but the fact of the matter is if she won't give the the time of day, or even 5 mins every few months, then quite simply she does not deserve my attention either.
In other news, today was my second elders meeting ever. Both this one, and the one before, were concerning the idiocy, stupidity, and eventual planned removal of my best friend as a Ministerial Servant, and leaving everything that we built, to me. On top of it, Gearhearts smug grin on his downfall really sent it home. This is entirely Mau's fault, and unfortunately deserved and needed, but raising our hand in a vote to remove our literal best friend and partner for everything in the hall, is never somewhere I had planned on being, or even thinking about. There is a chance this may have contributed to our negative attitude to things.
# Update 6/2/25
Well, this has been a busy weekend hasn't it. Due to aforementioned issues, I haven't been feeling great. Other factors didn't help either. I turned in early last night, and finally got to watch some anime I've been looking forward to watching, and the entire premise was power and relationships built on trust, and it hit me like a freight train. Reina wants nothing to do with us because she doesn't trust us. Not that we are untrustworthy per se, but she never had a chance to come to trust us. I made a grave error in my predictions. A relationship doesn't start going from 0-100 in a relative instant. Before love exists, there must be trust, and I completely ignored and skipped over that part. Reina doesn't trust us, because we tried to skip that very important part, of building trust. She even tried to tell us initially, that she really doesn't like long distance. Why? Because you can't build trust with somebody like that. It's to easy to fake, and to easy to put on a show for only when you see each other.
Generally, this would be the end of it, because there's no way to build that trust without constantly being in front of her, and now I'm already at a disadvantage because I jumped the gun the first time, and it will take a miracle for her to give me another chance. However, it seems that we may just get that chance, both of us inbound to Okinawa English, to serve where the need is greater. There, I can build trust, but I honestly don't know how. I don't plan on doing anything drastic, as I can almost guarantee that will backfire, and that's not who I am either. Just another thing we'll have to rely on, and beg Jehovah for.
The time on this revelation was also noteworthy, I believe. I was about ready to give up on her, as you can see in the previous (literally yesterdays) update. And then, out of nowhere, a revelation full of wisdom and understanding to see exactly what the problem is, see how to fix it, and also see that we are headed exactly where we need to be, to hopefully remedy the situation. Jehovah *might* be telling us to not give up, and to just be patient. God I suck at patience, but it is exactly what is required here, extreme amount of patience, to let trust be built. Trust **can not** be rushed. It can not be bought. I must be earned, through a constant trickle of activity. I don't know how long it will take. I don't even know if she'll pay attention. I don't know if she'll even care. But, its something, and something, is a whole lot better then nothing, yea?
Another strange thing today, that feels a lot like some pointed instruction similar to the very first bit we got from Jehovah. Going about our day, doing research, working, and listening to music in the background. We selected Sleep Token, started an old album we hadn't really listened to much just for something new. Decided to do the Deluxe album, because why not, and we reach "[Shelter - from the room below](https://open.spotify.com/track/4UgjE3JRXh1Y4xHU6DAvzL?si=9b4c518502e44b13)", with a repeating line "And no matter the cost of the rain". Album was released in 2020. Jehovah is repeating my own lines back to me, as a reminder, and as a persuader. Well, consider me reminded, and persuaded.
This is the third time this weekend (see 5/30/25 update above), where I feel like I've been told "Be patient, and just wait. Don't give up." On thinking about it, I know I made a good choice. If I wanted to be married, I could have been married right this second to either of the other two, but I consciously made the choice that not only would they not let me live the life of service to Jehovah that I'm currently living and want to live, but they would actually hinder it, and prevent me from serving to the fullest. Reina, on the other hand, is someone who I know already has similar goals to me, wants to and already is living a life of service to Jehovah, and I know I get along with. I stand by this choice, because I know it is scripturally sound, and an over all very good decision. What's more, I also firmly believe its a good decision for her as well. I know what I am willing to sacrifice for her, I know very well that I want to make her my world, and spend all time, resources, and everything else I have to make her happy. I genuinely believe this is the correct path to take, if she'd ever agree with me, but she currently doesn't. So, another waiting game.
> [Micah 7:7](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=33007007&pub=nwtsty): 7 But as for me, I will keep on the lookout for Jehovah. I will show a waiting attitude for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.
> [Daily Text for June 2, 2025 - Today](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=1102025205&par=5)
​
​[Psalms 86:6,7](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&bible=19086006&pub=nwtsty): 6 Listen, O Jehovah, to my prayer; And pay attention to my pleas for help. 7 I call on you in the day of my distress, For you will answer me.
​
​King David faced many dangerous enemies throughout his life, and he often sought Jehovah’s help in prayer. David was sure that Jehovah heard and answered his prayers. You can have that same confidence. The Bible assures us that Jehovah can give us the wisdom and the power we need to endure. He may use our spiritual family or even those who do not worship him at present to help us in some way. While Jehovah may not always answer our prayers in the way that we expect, we know that he will answer them. **He will provide just what we need and exactly when we need it**. So continue to pray in faith, confident that Jehovah will care for you now and that he will “satisfy the desire of every living thing” in the new world to come.​—Ps. 145:16. w23.05 8 ¶4; 13 ¶17-18
# Update 6/3/25
Good lord these updates. I think this is the final one though. Probably. Had a nice long chat with Smithy today, and he dropped some wisdom that I have not had time to fully comprehend yet. I'm going to leave it here:
- Chat with Smithy
After my shepherding visit, and doing some research specifically into what she is going through, I realized my errors. In my heartache I had become entirely results focused. I needed to shift back to "what can I reasonably do? What do I need to get straightened out with my own self regardless of her and what she does?"
This thinking reminded me of the control that I do have. I remembered and contemplated that I can set myself up for success or, at the very least, reduced grief, by doing what you guys had all been telling me: what I can. I also meditated on the fact that Jehovah never abandons and that he helps deal with these feelings, even if we don't get the results we sought.
I started hearing her more for what she was actually trying to say, rather than letting my hurt translate it for me.
I channeled the truest form of "it is what it is."
Adapt. Grow. Audit.
I've always had this strange fear that if I don't directly fight for the love I want, it would never be given to me. This is a trauma thing. Unfortunately this does not comply with the Bible's definition of love. I can't make her love me. I must focus on the real form of love, that doesn't look for it's own interest.
Incidentally I'll tell you the results of some meditation on love I did a while back.
The Bible says that love never fails. But how is this possible? After all, you can love your wife and she still leave you. You can love you children and they still go down a path that ultimately leads to pain and regret. You can work with a spiritual brother or sister and they still not heed your counsel. So in what way does love never fail? It is in the definition.
'Love doesn't look for it's own interests." True love has absolutely nothing to do with results or what you get in return for the investment. That's not to say that any form of self interest is "unloving." We get hungry, we eat. We get hot or cold, we adjust accordingly. We take care of ourselves, and this is good and balanced.
Love, though, is 100% focused on someone else. If you kiss your mate on the cheek hoping that they'll kiss you back, is that love? It depends. Were you happy to kiss them regardless? Was your main purpose an expression of affection and you only hoped for a return because it would be a nice moment for the two of you? Or were you really just wishing they would show you affection and using the kiss to try to fish for it? Both look the same on the surface. One is motivated by love; the other by a desire to be loved.
So if we think about 'doesn't look for it's own interest' as a definition, rather than as a principle or law, it becomes more clear.
Your message to her was partly to make her smile, and partly a prudent thing to do. She is now more aware where you are; that there's someone interested in her that she knows. Some people may have written off a relationship due to the distance and uncertain variables at play. In these circumstances, I wouldn't be surprised for someone to elect to ghost. But you have taken steps to be communicative, and she hasn't said or done anything to stop you. Honestly it is on her to say something at this point. If her feels are there at all, she'll want to respond. Idk why she wouldn't. Not saying there's literally no reason, but this gets into the next part of the sermon.
Investigating a person as a potential mate isn't inherently a loving thing. The trick with love is, just because something isn't loving doesn't mean it isn't good. When you investigate a potential mate you are looking at facts about that person, and comparing them with facts about yourself. Honestly its a pretty boring and logical process, if you keep your treacherous heart in check. The thing about love is that it is kind of like feeding a scared animal you found. You lay out the food, and at first you have to back away and see what they do, cuz they won't get close to you yet... if they're smart. Don't trust the ones that get too close too fast. May make you feel good at first, but if they don't have healthy boundaries and self care, that's a red flag. Even if you hit it off really really well, there should be some brakes here and there that remind you both that you're taking this seriously and haven't already secretly decided to marry.
Leaving the food in this illustration is the love. According to one of our publications "love demonstrates itself in actions that are pleasing the one that is loved." We may hope for certain outcomes, but the expression is issued regardless. Being disappointed or let down by not getting what we were hoping for doesn't mean that we didn't demonstrate love.
Once the love has been placed, the wise and mature person will allow the other person to interact with it as they please. Does she text you back? Does she allow business to become an excuse not to? If so, why? Does she want to take forever, leaving you anxious, because she really wants to think about it? Not horrible, but something would be nice.
Here's the crux of it, though. Love has nothing to do with how the other person acts. You set it out with their best interest in mind. It can't fail because they ignore it or don't listen or whatever the case may be. You expressed something in a loving way. Love has auto success. Whatever she does with it doesn't affect that.
Now, if the feelings aren't mutual, and she doesn't like the contact, that was still is love on your part. She would need to communicate her feelings more clearly. Intention is a key factor. You had the best intentions: you were looking for her interests, rather than stewing on feelings and uncertainty while she remained clueless.
Again, you can think of how Jehovah demonstrated love to Israel by sending His prophets. The people didn't listen to the prophets, and we see how that went (Israel is freaking crazy these days). But it would be inaccurate to say that Jehovah's love failed because the people weren't saved. The people didn't even feel loved by the action! It was a nuisance to them to deal with Jehovah's expressions of love because the prophets told them things they needed to do better and differently.
The act of love stands alone. Anything after that is something else. So did the love fail the Israelites? No. Jehovah's love behaved as His words defines: 'patient, kind, not jealous, etc.' So what can we say about the outcome of love, then? If the results aren't what we want, how can we still say it succeeded? Because that
's literally just the definition of love. It is a given thing. What failed here was the people's faith. Their love didn't fail. They just didn't have love. Yes Jehovah was hoping they would turn around. Hoping for an outcome doesn't cross the line of 'not looking for your own interest' all the time.
So whenever it is that love doesn't produce the results you are hoping for, zoom out and look at the other qualities at play. Just because something isn't love doesn't mean it is unloving. You wanted to make her smile; you sent a positive message to her. That's loving. You would appreciate a response of some sort. That is your own self interest, but not at all unloving. It is perfectly rational and reasonable. Just not definable as 'love'. I hope this makes sense.
I've been having to remind myself of this a loooooooot lately. I get so wrapped up wanting to be loved and cherished by my wife that I lost sight of these principles. Instead, I am now trying to focus on my expressions of love, regardless of what she does. Even if she leaves, or doesn't accept my love, that doesn't mean it failed. Love goes out from us, and that is success. If it is rejected, that is some quality on their end and does not change your expression or its value.
Good stuff! And just to round out that thought, love "believes all things" for example. That doesn't mean we are naive. "Hopes all things" doesn't mean we never accept loss or failure. It just means that, by definition, it is love when you choose to believe the best about someone. It is no longer definable as love if you stop believing them. But that isn't automatically unloving. Maybe you have a good reason to doubt. Could be wisdom, or evidence or any other valid thing. To me, part of the purpose of chapter 13 is to help us understand what love is AND isn't, but not to say that it is the only important quality.
Particularly about Reina:
Based on the way she has interacted, personally, I would leave the ball in her court, too.
But as you helped remind me, we can only do what we can do. Seeing the good we do regardless of results is a good.
I need to go reread it, so there will probably be some edits after this, but these are my initial thoughts after chewing on it for a while. As we know, we love Reina. That has nothing to do with whether or not she loves us back. Buying her gifts, coming to San Diego, and leaving that message for her, were all expressions of love, that were successfully sent and received. Love in itself, at least the biblical definition of it, is unselfish. Literally "does not look for its own interests" (1 Cor 13:5). For a true expression of love to be shown, there can be expected nothing back for it to be deemed successful. We did these things for Reina because we love her, and wanted to show her that, in which we did. What she does with that information, is up to her. She can choose to respond to it. She can choose to ghost us and pretend we don't exist. She can choose to hate us for it. But what she can not deny, is that we do love her, and have shown that.
As of right now, as Smithy said, the ball is in her court. We will continue to live our lives as we will, and we will continue to show her love, by bearing whatever comes our way, by waiting patiently for her, by believing in the best in her, and by hoping for the best for her (1 Cor 13:5). There may come a time, where it is just not worth it, where she has proven herself unworthy of such love, but to me, that time has not yet come. I want to see where Jehovah takes us, it very well may be right to Okinawa, stationed right in front of her. It may not be. It might be somewhere else, stationed in front of her, or he may catapult us into something, or somebody totally different. We will deal with that as it comes. But for right now, for this instant, in this moment, we choose to love, hope for, and believe in Reina.
**EDIT**: I have had time to think about it, and made some discoveries. Let me start with this. I am an idiot. A genuine, stupid, lack of thinking about what others think idiot. I skipped the entire process of getting to know her, and her getting to know me, and building a bridge of trust between us. Before dating anyone, the two involved must be friends first and foremost. And not just friendly, I mean actual friends that know, get along with, and frequently spend time together. Of course, there wasn't really any way to do this, but rushing it was not the answer. There was so many better ways to handle it. From this point forward, the next time I talk with Reina, if she'll ever listen to me, is to apologize to her. Genuinely sit down, ask for her attention, and apologize to her for being an idiot, for rushing things, for not giving her a chance to get to know me, and for not giving me a chance to get to know her. If she's still listening by the end of it, I want to tell her that I still think she's the most amazing person I know, and I would really, really love to be her friend, if she'll have me.
Seeing things through this lens, also shows that she wanted to serve Jehovah. That was her priority. That is her priority. She had no idea who I was. Even if everything I was saying was true (it was, but she had no idea of that, and no way to verify), it would still be faster, easier, and far less risky to just do it alone. Her focus is on serving Jehovah, and that is her priority, and I certainly can't fault her for that. Maybe once she gets to Okinawa and sees me there doing the same thing, before she even got there, it might change her mind, if only a little bit, but it might not. It doesn't really matter. My goal is to be her friend. To gain her trust, and the opportunity to support her. Maybe something will come after, maybe it won't, but at the very least, I would be very, very lucky to count her among my friends.
**Edit Edit**: I have proof. Of Jehovah's backing, or at least that he cares about the matter.
- Story Time
Sit down, story time. I'm writing this Wednesday, but I'm going to refer to today as Tuesday, as this is under the 6.3.25 heading. I stayed up fairly late last night, 1:30ish, watching anime, because I had nothing to do this morning, and planned on sleeping in. At just before 8am, my fan turns on, waking me up. I can't fall back asleep, am not particularly tired, go ahead and get up, and start working. I finish up everything I had for the morning by like 11, in which I then check in on Smithy, as I had time, and the conversation ensued.
I checked Home Assistant for the turn on, and sure enough, there it was. From Google Assistant.
![image](Images/Media/image%20(4).png)
[image](Images/image%20(4).md)
This means that it either came from my phone, or somebody turned it on through the Google Home. I was asleep, so it wasn't me, so I checked the google home history, which logs everything that happened. I checked, and there is nothing.
![image](Images/Media/image.png)
[image](Images/image.md)
Nobody turned that fan on. No automations turned that fan on. There was no reason for that fan to be on and wake me up. *Something* turned that fan on, and I'm leaning toward divine intervention. On top of that, why would I choose to wake up early, on little sleep already, and then decide to start working of all things? I just now checked, Google Assistant isn't even enabled on my phone. Its all Gemini. If you can refute this one, by all means do so, but I can't. Not that I doubted it came from Jehovah, considering the contents and timing of the message, but having proof I can not refute really shuts up the doubts, ya know?
# 6/5/25
It was not the final one. Jehovah had one more for us.
The monthly broadcast had one more surprise for us. An entire talk literally entitled "The desirable thing in a man is...", and had an entire section on "Loyal Love". The timing, and the content, also in combination with the words from Smithy, this is the direction we've been asking for.
- Gilead Graduation 2025 (June Monthly Broadcast) - **Special Note**
Stay Hungry
Matt 5:3 - Happy are those concious of their spiritual need since the kingdom of the heavens belong to them
Stay hungry for spiritual food
John 6:11 - Jehovah provided for their food, and they had as much as they wanted. Jehovah will provide for spiritual hunger.
We contine to eat our favorite meals, same spiritually. We can continue to feed on things we've looked at in the past. Acts as reviews, driving in the nail.
Matthew 5:36 - Keep hungering for righteousness.
Spiritual hunger and thirst for righteousness will be fully satisfied in the new world, so keep in expectation of it.
Inside Story
Interviews from people graduating
*​Maybe we'll be up there soon, eh 'nis?*
**The desirable thing in a man is...**
Loyal Love.
Defined as love motivated by commitment, integrity, loyalty, and deep attachment.
It is kindness that lovingly attaches itself to persons, becoming evident in continual kind actions"
How god treated his true worshipers through the ages. Jehovah stuck with his people through the good times, and through the very bad.
Jer 31:3 - "I have loved you with an everlasting love. That is why I have drawn you to me with loyal love."
We live in expectation of Jehovah's loyal love, always relying on it, in good times, and in very difficult times, that is manifested in his continual kind acts toward us.
Prov 3:3 - 3 Do not let loyal love and faithfulness leave you. Tie them around your neck; Write them on the tablet of your heart;
We are expected by Jehovah to display loyal love.
**We do this by attaching ourselves to others with continual, enduring, steadfast acts of kindness that demonstrate our loyal love.**
We should think of the loyal love that has been shown us that got us to this point. Both from Jehovah, and the many people that helped us get where we currently are.
If serving as an overseer, always demonstrate loyal love to the brothers and sisters we care for
Abraham was asking about Sodom and Gomorrah "What if there's 50? 45? 30? 20? 10?". He was annoying. Some of our brothers and sisters are annoying. What did Jehovah do to Abraham for being annoying? He loved him, and called him his friend. We should do the same.
Peter was also very annoying. Jesus still gave him great responsibility, and gave him the keys of the kingdom.
As overseers, we will work with annoying people. What do we do with them? We love them.
To show loyal love, it takes time, it takes emotional energy.
Zech 7:9 - 9 “This is what Jehovah of armies says, ‘Judge with true justice, and deal with one another in loyal love and mercy.
Prov 18:22 - 22 The desirable thing in a man is his loyal love; And it is better to be poor than to be a liar.
Stay Thrist
Ps 143:5,6 - 5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all your activity; I eagerly ponder over the work of your hands. 6 I spread out my hands to you; I am like a parched land that thirsts for you. (Selah)
Water lakes the land revive, and flourish.
We need Jehovah and Spiritual food to keep reviving ourselves, and letting us flourish in our assignments
We will be very busy with assignments, and spiritual activities, but do not forget to come and fill up on spiritual water, personal study, and prayer.
> Micah 7:7 - 7 But as for me, I will keep on the lookout for Jehovah. I will show a waiting attitude for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.
Lamentations 3:26 - Good it is to wait in silence for the salvation of Jehovah.
As of late, we have been bombarded with a battery of the same message. "Trust in Jehovah, pour out your heart to him, and wait and see what he has planned. Trust in Jehovah above all else." Right this second, we can do nothing. We have exhausted our supply of thing we can do. We even reached out to her, and got absolutely nothing back. She constantly ravages both our hearts and minds, but we need to constantly pour out our hearts to Jehovah, and let him handle it. Thus showing a "waiting attitude", and trusting Jehovah will hear us.
> Psalms 55: 22 Throw your burden on Jehovah, And he will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to fall.
The key here, is sustainment. That is what we are lacking. Our hearts and minds are in a constant state of being ravaged by our thoughts, and is becoming increasingly unsustainable. Yet, Jehovah here promises he will sustain us if we throw our burdens on him. So again, the message echoes "Trust in Jehovah. Pour out our hearts in prayer. Trust that he will handle everything as it needs to be." The Research Guide actually had a step by step guide on how we can do this:
> 1. Turn to Jehovah in heartfelt prayer with any problem, anxiety, or concern
1. Seek guidance and support from Jehovah’s Word and organization
2. Do what you reasonably can to relieve the situation in harmony with Bible principles
Follow the guide, throw our burdens on Jehovah, trust that he will handle them, pour out our hearts in prayer, do what we can (we have), and show a waiting attitude. *頑張ります、虚しさん。*
# 7/29/25
Sorry, been a while. Few things have happened, mostly a random Australian guy decided he wants to help me make my dreams come true and is working on getting me a job in Okinawa, so that's.. quite something. Read that over on [Getting a Job](Pages/Getting%20a%20Job.md), but this post isn't for that. Some other things. April visited us over the weekend, which was really cool and a lot of fun. Took a picture and sent it to the group from last year. No response, lol. Also miss Sarah has made herself known, so that's... another thing. Anyways, this post is entitled Reina for a reason, yes? Regular reminders continue to manifest. Moving in Japan inches ever close to reality. Today, a video popped up on JW.org, entitled “[There Is an Appointed Time for Everything”—Building Friendships Takes Time](https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=share&wtlocale=E&lank=pub-mwbv_202507_2_VIDEO)", that echoes the conversations I've had with Smithy, and what 1 Corinthians 13 states about love.
Prov 17:17 - 17 A true friend shows love at all times And is a brother who is born for times of distress.
A true friend shows love at *all* times. Watch the video agian, its only 3mins, 1:30 at 2x. It really drives the point home. If we are to reach Reina's heart, we must show love constantly, patiently, and loyally. Another video sitting on top of JW.org right now, entitled "Can Love Conquer Hatred?". Different subject matter, but the principle is still there. I repeat, in order to reach anyone's heart, including Reina's, we must show love constantly, patiently, and loyally.
The way things are going.... We just might get that chance, Jehovah willing. But as always, let not our will take place, but Jehovah's. Just continue to beg that he find a place for Reina and I in it.
# To organize
Answer this question honestly: Could you have supported her? No, which is why the priority right this second, is to get over there, and find ourselves a job. That is what is most important, full stop. We have the credentials, now we just need to get the job. Lots of prayer on this one.
[[Okinawa English Teaching Job Guide]]
EDIT: Well... things were looking real bad. And then they weren't. Remember this lesson. Jehovah can flip everything on its head in a matter of minutes. We as humans, especially us as scheming hollows, with all our plans and dreams, are absolutely meaningless. Always remember that if Jehovah wants something done, it will be done.
Edit: 10/23/25 - Things went back to bad again.
Trust trust trust in Jehovah. Say it with me.
Easiest way to win over Japanese people? Overprice luxury fruit, apparently. Lots of sweets shops around, go grab em and see what we can do. Don't get the Durian. As to what will happen, your guess is as good as mine.

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